im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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