He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
