i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
