Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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