FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
