I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize