"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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