I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
