I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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