i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Congratulations! We have a period
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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