Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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