Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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