Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Randomize
