Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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