I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
