Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
