How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
