It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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