You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
