I must be too annoying 4 u.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
