i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
