She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
