Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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