The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
