the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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