I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
