the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
