69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
