it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
When did angry sex become our thing?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
