Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
