He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
