God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize