we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
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