Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
