Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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