So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
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