I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
