the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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