it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
