Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
