I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Randomize