So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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