i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize