Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
