what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
