Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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