I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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