just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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