I could have mohawked her pubes.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
