That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize