Rock
Scissors
Fuck
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
