you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
