I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
