Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
