The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
