official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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