He uses pillows to masturbate.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
