thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
