Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
