I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
