I could have mohawked her pubes.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
