Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
