I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
