guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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