so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
